I looked through all my old blogs and I didn't realize how fucked up I was. I was really in a dark place. I didn't know how bad it was at the time. I knew I wasn't well, but geez I didn't think I was that fucked up. Thank god I was able to blog and talk to people about it. If I kept any of it inside, I know I wouldn't be here today or I would just be empty.
I'm still not 100% over the douche who ripped my heart out, but I'm much better than I was a year ago. I'm out of my "broken bella" stage. But I just kinda feel lonely now. I had so much self hate, it was ridiculous. I can't believe I let myself get that bad. I really needed help then. I still don't think I got the right help though. I could still use help. But I'm not a broken doll like I use to be. I tried so hard to fake how happy I was and I was just breaking and breaking even more.
I know I'm going to be okay. I'm still healing, but not as slowly as before. I know in about another month or two I will be 100% better and over it. It takes time to heal properly, but its all worth it. I'll find my happily ever after and thats all I need. Oh fuck prince charming, I want Edward Cullen (:
1 comment:
Im so glad your better! My old man heart was breaking when you were going through all that back then ):
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