I hate when people try to tell you that you're awesome or pretty , and you know you're just some shitty boring ugly girl from a small town who's stupid in every way possible.

Sometimes I just wish I was really saying these things for attention cause then it would maybe finally go away once I get that attention, but sadly that's not what it is. I don't like the way I look. I'm disgusted with my own thoughts, and yet I would never wish away my thoughts. It's stupid. My life isn't exciting; I'm not awesome; I'm not pretty.

I'm lonely. I'm stupid. I'm a shitty person. I'm a monster. I'm very forgettable. I'm unloveable. I'm boring. I'm me.

And yet people are trying to shove down my throat this image of who they think I am. "You're pretty. You're awesome." So much bullshit.

I try so hard to keep everything locked up, but it just doesn't work. So this is why I come to this blog. My friend Melissa completely pissed me off the other day trying to shove down my throat her opinions of me. I'm sorry I'm not going to swallow and digest your bullshit.

I just wish someone could see me for who I am, and just accept it. Why must you cloud your mind with what you think I am ? Or who you think I am. It's pointless.

Don't they understand that the once happy girl has been destroyed to a million of pieces? Whoever that girl I used to be is gone. I smile, but its full of empties, yet it wins the academy award everytime, just as Chelsea said, when I told her I was never happy to begin with, "well everyone thinks you are". I wish I could go back to that. It's so broken and lost in the fragments . I don't know how to love myself properly or love others. I don't know how to be loved. All that jazz left when those words came from his mouth "I don't love you anymore. At a time yes, emotions come and go like the waves on the beach." I'm just a wave to you. You love me well I'm there, and when another wave appears, I'm just nothing. Not even the sand.

How can I ever be in love, when I make sure, I fall for guys who won't ever like me back so I can protect what's ever left of me ? Just like Hayley:

She lives in a fairy tale
Somewhere too far for us to find
Forgotten the taste and smell
Of the world that she's left behind
It's all about the exposure the lens I told her
The angles were all wrong now
She's ripping wings off of butterflies
keep your feet on the ground
when your head's in the clouds
Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
Ba da ba ba da ba ba da
So one day he found her crying
Coiled up on the dirty ground
Her prince finally came to save her
And the rest you can figure out
But it was a trick
And the clock struck twelve
Well make sure to build your home brick by boring brick
or the wolf's gonna blow it down
keep your feet on the ground
when your head's in the clouds
Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
Well you built up a world of magic
Because your real life is tragic
Yeah you built up a world of magic
If it's not real
You can't hold it in your hand
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh even in the dark
And that's where I want to be, yeah
Go get your shovel
We'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
Well go get your shovel
and we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
Guys x2:
ba da ba ba da ba ba da......
Hayley x2:
ba da ba ba da ba ba da.....