"It was inevitable that I would have nightmares, but they wouldn’t be about zombies."

I used to be the girl who cried every night because you ripped my heart out. I used to scream into my pillow, trying to hide all the pain you left with me. I would hold onto my sides cause I felt like I was falling apart without you here. The hole in my chest burned feverishly. I hated myself for being so stupid in believing you loved me too. I hated everything that reminded me of you. I wished I could have disappeared.  


People who knew how bad you effected hated what you did to me because they were scared I would disappear.  But then I started putting myself back together, not properly because the hole still burns around the edges, but it's not as bad when you first hurt me. Even though I had people there for me trying to make it better, it never really did get better. 


So about a year later and some months. I finally realized that I never needed you in my life. But I want to thank you for the times that you did make me happy. The days that I actually couldn't stop smiling over something cute you had said.  Luckily I know now that I don't need that to make me happy . The hole will never stop burning at the edges because I don't think I can ever get over you completely.  


"I was not allowed to think of him. That was something I tried to be very strict about. Of course I slipped; I was only human. But I was getting better, and so the pain was something I could avoid for days at a time now. The tradeoff was the never-ending numbness. Between pain and nothing, I’d chosen nothing." - Bella Swan; New Moon; Stephanie Meyer 




"It didn’t feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I’d grown strong enough to bear it." Bella Swan; New Moon; Stephaine


Out of all the books I've ever read New Moon from the twilight series is the only book I can relate to not because of vampires and werewolves, but because of the pain Bella felt and how she got strong enough to bear it.