Horrible timing, but I've come to the realization finally

I've been holding onto this crazy hope that me and you would end up together for almost six years now. And I've come to the realization that I can't hold onto that anymore. You may love me. But if you do, I'm 100% aware that's not in the way I love you. Do I hold that against you? No.

However, I can't keep  deluding myself that you do. And you're just scared. If you honestly really loved me and wanted to be with me, you would be. But you're not. It's the healthiest thing for me to do is to let go of you in that way. I can handle being just friends. It has taken me a long time to get here to that point, but I can do it.

Nick, you don't love me in the way I love you. You never will. And that's okay. I can't force feelings on you nor anyone that just aren't there. And I'm aware that I've missed out on opportunities with other guys cause I was so busy loving you and giving everything I could give you. I can no longer do that . It not only drains me, but it leaves  me with nothing.

I do honestly wish that everything would get better for you. I know you haven't been in the best place for the past two years, and I understand that, but I'm not holding that against you. And that is not the reason why I'm deciding to hang up the cape sort of speak with my feelings for you. It's just it's time, you know?

I was 18 when I meet you, and you opened my life to different things. Believe it or not. It's so having you as a friend, but that's all I can expect and want from you now.   I have changed so much since the first day we ever talked till now.

I actually love myself now. I still have days when I look in the mirror  and hate everything I see. But I'm so much better now. I don't hate myself so much. I smile more. I laugh more. And I love myself so much. I'm an amazing young woman, and I'm beautiful inside and out, but I'm not the right amazing young woman for you. and you are not the amazing young man for me.

Apart of me will always love you, I'm aware of  that. But it will never be the same. I can't keep waiting for you to realize that I'm available. I'm no longer an option for you. Friends? Forever. A couple? Never.

You do not love me back. And I can't hold myself to that. I can't keep waiting for some miracle to happen, and then you're interested in me.

I'm still working on loving myself more and being happy with myself. But god damn, I've gotten so much better with the whole self love train. I'm being more bolder with clothing and makeup items I buy. I'm changing up my hair color for me. I'm working on getting healthier and in better shape for me. But please don't come around when I get to a more appealing body size. Cause then I'll know you're just nothing but a pathetic jerk. And even if you came around now, I'd have to say no.

I can't do that to myself. I deserve loads better. I deserve someone who wants to be with me and actually does something about it. I need someone to love me as much as I love myself. And Nick, you will never love me as much as I love me. And that's okay. I've accepted it.

Six years took me to realize this, but it's better now than never.  I wish you all the best.