I definitely have moments where I feel less talented, or that I may not achieve my dreams based on other people’s success or because of my age. I know, I know; I’m only 21. Just sometimes I’m extremely harsh on myself, and I feel like I’m just lagging on trying to accomplish my dreams. Sometimes I forget that not everyone accomplishes their dreams in one day, a week, a month, or even a year. I know it takes time, and I need to keep reminding myself that if I keep pushing the pavement and working hard at what I want in life, that I will eventually get it. I do know what it’s like to give into apathy and fear, and it was the worst and best three years of my life. For the longest I regretted it, but now I look back at it as me regaining my strength. We sometimes do give in to our fears and weakness, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t get out of it and somehow become stronger. The reason why I say it was also some of the best years of my life is because, I was in a different major , and I learned a lot of amazing things out of that major . I also met a lot of really amazing people. Yet the whole time, I still had that earning for being who I’ve always wanted to be. And now, that I have the courage and strength to be that person, I have never been happier.
For those who follow my tumblr , I added to a post I reblogged from Mr. Curt Mega. The reason being that I added that first paragraph on here, is because I like to use this blog as a more personal thought process place. I don't always post on here, but when I do it's because I just want to write and write. Or just say one sentence that means many many things.
I think since we live in a society where you have to know exactly what you want to do in life at this certain time, people feel pressured to just choose something. Or sometimes they know in that time is what they want to do and find out later that they want something else. I gave up on wanting to be an actress-singer-writer because I felt like I wasn't good enough. What's the sad part is, that I hadn't given myself much of a chance to prove if I was good or not. The thing is ever since I can remember all I ever really wanted do with myself was to be an actress and a singer. So I figured that I would catch my big break before I got to college. And well, I obviously didn't. But I let that make me feel like something was wrong with me , and that I wasn't as talented as I had thought. I gave up. And for the longest I didn't seem to care, until it really hit me how miserable I was without trying to achieve my dreams.
I'm really happy that I've gotten back into training myself to become a much more crafted actress and singer. I've enjoyed it so much so far. And the fact that I actually auditioned for my school's musical this semester, just makes me even more happy. No, I didn't get in. But it proved to me that I can do anything I set my mind to. I know if I keep practicing and working on my craft that eventually I will be doing things that I've always dreamed of.
I think if I accomplished my dreams earlier in life that I wouldn't be able to handle all of the things that come with that. I was too young then, and I think I would have just freaked out, or maybe I would have turned into that young actress who just ends up throwing herself down a terrible spiral. I'm so very glad that I had given into my fears of rejection and apathy. Only because it instilled in me how much I want to accomplish my dreams, that I do have talent, and that if I can't accept myself that no one in the world will.
I've learned that I'm going to make mistakes, that I will get regretted, that I sometimes need to work harder in some areas than others, that I won't always be right, and that I'm whole lot stronger than I had ever given myself credit for. One day, I will accomplish my dreams. One step at a time.
So remember, you can accomplish your dreams. If you do give into your fears and apathy, please let it teach you that you're so much stronger than that. And that you really really deserve to go after your dream. There will be lots of rejection in life. And you will meet people who make you feel less than who you are. But remember "we are only given what we can handle", and that you are your own person. Everyone is talented in their own way.
Envy and jealously won't get you anywhere. Whatever path is meant for you, you must follow it. Don't follow someone else's. Trust me, everything gets better and works out for the good. I know for a fact. Please stay strong and keep believing in yourselves. I believe in you. So now you need to believe in you (if you haven't already).
Xoxo
Britney Monae
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